life in colour

When I was 21, I had my heart smashed into a million little pieces, the wounds so deep that I didn’t think I would ever recover. I couldn’t believe I had loved someone with such intensity that I would let them hurt me so badly, but even still, I would never wish for the past to be changed. Through my arduous recovery process, I found true friends and more importantly I found myself. I learned to live life for me, and only me, and I can proudly say that almost 8 years later, I haven’t even felt the smallest proportion of that pain, and hopefully never will. I think the sheer magnitude of it would actually just kill me.

I’ve had some serious relationships and some not-so-serious ones since then, and I have not cried over any of them. I liked them, sure. Missed them? yes. Loved them? Love is such a strong word. What I do know is that I haven’t felt the gasping, grasping, desperate wanting, needing love that so badly scarred me all those years ago. Inevitably I had built a wall around my heart, and I’ve been finding it incredibly difficult to let anyone in.

Panu and I have been together for almost two years now. He’s incredible – I honestly could not have been blessed with a better man ~ he’s kind, he’s fun, he’s loving, he’s strong, he’s patient, he’s gorgeous, he’s everything I want. Yet up until a few weeks ago, I would not have been able to tell you wholeheartedly that I loved him. Up until a few weeks ago, I prided myself in believing that if we were to fall apart, I would totally land on my feet, because I don’t need anybody and I can live without him. I have it all planned – I’d pack up and leave, head back to Sydney, find a place in Newtown and life would be as it was before we got back together. Simple, right?

I had thought so.

But one morning, about two weeks ago, I was walking to work when my thoughts were rudely interrupted (honestly, this came right out of left-field and it literally stopped me in my tracks) by the notion that right this moment, with me half way to work and Panu probably just getting out of bed, I want him now, right now and forever. forever. My breath shortened, and I swear I stopped walking, and I missed him so much that very morning, just on the way to work.

My take on my relationship has changed drastically in the last two weeks. This is new territory for me, or rather, tentatively wading into what I have long forgotten. I can’t get enough of him at home, he thinks I’ve gone mad, but I look at him and I stare and it’s like I’ve discovered a new person.

If my barriers have finally become brittle, and are starting to break… then I’m overjoyed at the prospect, but I’m equally nervous and anxious for what the future holds. But suddenly I think I’m seeing life in more colours again.

Parental reading not recommended

As I write this post, I am acutely aware that parents, uncles and aunts may stumble upon this. I warn you, read at your own risk. This is a highly risqué post so if you want your image of me to stay the same *halo*, stop reading! but hey, I’m not known for hiding much on this blog of mine!

So last night was lined up to be a very ordinary night. Panu and I headed to Brick Lane for some curry, after which we met up with two friends, one of whom was in town from Dubai recording his latest album. If you saw me, you would have known what a tame night I was expecting – I was wearing a t-shirt (which I’d had on all day), jeans, flat boots and next to no makeup.

We all headed to E&O at Ladbroke Grove, where we met up with two very interesting ladies – Mich, publicist for Jude Law and Liam Neeson (no joke), and TV producer Debbie. My first thought was that they would completely and utterly snob underdressed and very ordinary little me, but to my surprise they were incredibly good fun and drinks were on the flow. After several chambords, ‘air grinding’ (don't ask) and triple shots of sambuca (I’m not joking, I was seeing black spots after that, but thankfully it passed without me creating a mess on myself), we were well on the way to a big night.

When the bar closed at I don’t even know what time, Mich suggested we head to a club called Secrets, down by Euston. I was pretty primed to head anywhere, so we hopped in a black cab and headed off. Upon arriving at Secrets, we realised that Mich’s “favourite club in London” is actually a high class gentlemans club. Oh! Ok. Well, we were all ready and raring to go, so why not? Cover charge paid and a £120 bottle of Moet (what the? Did they add 80% service on that?!) purchased, we were in for a good time.

I personally haven’t been in a strip club since we crashed a trashy place in Perth about 8 years ago - and that was only cos it was free entry for girls! So this was new territory, and being there with Panu was definitely interesting. We drank, we watched, we mingled with the girls, and before you knew it, the guys had me walking around the club looking for a girl that I would like. Huh! Interesting! Well, Debbie had just paid £20 for a full frontal lap dance, so I thought, hey why the hell not.

If parents or parental figures are still reading this, I would strongly suggest you stop now.

I picked my girl (blonde Ukrainian, uber hot), and Panu kindly paid for me to have my very first lap dance ever. It was insane! Absolutely not as scary and dirty as you would think, but you sure do get the right bits in your face. My 5 minutes passed far too quickly, and I was now lap dance devirginised. High five!

If you’re wondering if Panu had a lap dance too? Absolutely! I totally encouraged it and in fact, they had a 2-for-1 special at again not sure what time, but he had two girls, not just one… what a bargain! *Hehe*

In all seriousness, if anyone’s wondering why I am ok with this behaviour – well those who know me know that I am liberal enough to accept these things and have no issue with guys doing this on a night out. If it became a regular event, that would be a problem. And yes, I did feel a twinge of jealousy when he had two naked girls on him, but it passed because people, we were in a strip club, after he passed his £20 to them, they didn’t look his way one more time all night.

Besides, it got us both worked up and at 4am we headed home and… well… let’s just say I picked up some moves at Secrets *grin*

haggis... *love*

haggis. the mere mention of haggis would probably make 95% of anyone you speak to cringe or even retch, but said to me, that sweet word, "haggis", music to my ears... my new love *ahhhh*... look, i've even lost track of what I'm writing because my brain is desperately thinking of where i can get my hands on some soon!

this new love took me utterly by surprise. we met 5 days ago, when Panu and I took a quick weekend trip up to Edinburgh. we decided to try haggis fritters on our first dinner out, just to eat it, spit it and say we've done it. but what do they say? love always sneaks up on you when you least expect it! one hesitant bite, and i was in heaven!

the verdict? they look like meat balls and taste like the insides of a meat pie (which, truth be told, is probably full of things far worse than intestines), but not just any ol' garden variety meat pie, i'm chanelling gourmet steak & onion pie, with just the right hint of spice!

i can taste it right now. goddamn, where do i find good haggis in London??

anyway, there was more to Edinburgh than haggis. It's an incredibly gorgeous little city, with its architecture from medieval times through to the Georgian era still predominantly lining its cityscape. Amazingly, right in the city, also sits the magnificent Edinburgh Castle, a medieval fortress oozing with history.

we spent a day wandering through the Castle and its museums, down the Royal Mile towards Holyrood Castle, where the Queen spends her summers, and onto Edinburgh Museum. Along the way there were churches, markets and the serene and very green Princes Street Gardens.




















And somehow we also got conned into watching a '3D Lochness Adventure' which was the biggest waste of my hard earned cash ever. Anything that gives you imax style 3D glasses (bent and smudged) has got to be dodgy. we've learned.

All in all it was a relaxing trip ~ a gorgeous hotel and lots of food and culture. We took hundreds of photos between the two of us... here is a small selection.

ciao....

brian and jackson have both been a staple part of my social diet for a long long time, from perth to sydney to london. so it goes without saying that their departure from london makes me a little sad... but i feel safe in the knowledge that we've all known each other for the better part of a decade (or more!), so a few borders shouldn't keep us apart. in fact i look forward to partying with the ol' b-wong in malaysia one day!











trish and fergus on the other hand, i've just met a mere 6 months ago. i've spent a good deal of time getting to know trish and that is one special girl. she's tiny and sweet and has a wealth of maturity and depth beyond her 26 years. we've become good friends, and i hope their leaving won't change that.

the good news is that they are heading to Sydney and by the time we get back, they will be there all set up as a happy family, with a bub in tow *yay*...

more pics..

ps: happy birthday to three of my favourite people in the world! Babs, Mags & Bec... *big kiss*

Nobu, Park Lane

Yesterday, 6 of us splurged a little for lunch and dined at the famous Nobu in London's Park Lane. We all ordered the Chef's Recommendation, which is a 6 course degustation of the tastiest, yummiest stuff on the menu... have a squiz...










Salmon tartar with caviar, and Tuna tataki with ponzu










Black cod with miso, and Beef "toban" yaki

Mixed sushi & sashimi platter, and chocolate bento box (flourless chocolate fondant with green tea ice cream)

My favourite was the black cod in miso; the cod was cooked to perfection and the sauce was so heavenly that i pretty much licked the plate clean. A close second would be the salmon tartar, sitting in the most delicate wasabi sauce, followed by the tuna tataki.

It's my first time (no longer a Nobu virgin!), and others have said the Nobu in NYC is amazing, so who knows, you might find me there in November...

29 and 7 days...

today, i turned 29 years and 7 days old. i had a pretty good night ~ we finally, finally, got around to watching Wall-E, which if you haven't seen it... is just pure pleasure on a big flat screen. how pixar can convey the story with a number of bleeps and buzzes (although Ben Burtt is just something else all together) is just beyond me, but above anything else, little Wall-E and Eve speak the language of love, something that has been long lost in movies of recent years I think.

anyway, don't worry I didn't have a bizarre 29 years and 7 days old party today, i celebrated last Friday, when I was just 29 years and zero days old. it was a quiet quiet birthday, with a bit of everything that makes catty happy.

on Friday Panu took me to Hakuba for dinner, indulging on the 6 course Tanglin Tasting Menu. I'm a sucker for Japanese food, but this is one of the best I've had the pleasure of putting into my glutton mouth. Entrees were fresh, tasty and artistic. Mains were finger lickin' good.. and the dessert platter. well. words just don't describe.

I was also spoilt with presents throughout dinner, some small, some big, all thoughtful and cherished. My favourite? All of them, ofcourse!



On Saturday I met Mel C for breakunch at Paul, yes, more glutton stuff. I had a mini croissant, a mini chocolate croissant and a mini raison scroll, washed down with one large cup of breakfast tea. Fuelled up, we hit Topshop, did some shopping and indulged in the girliest of girlie activities - mani's & pedi's at Nails Inc! *Sweeeeeet*

Saturday evening was spent with friends and a volcanic rum bogul bogul at Match Bar ~ it promised to be a great evening until the bar went and shut on us at the ripe young hour of midnight, leaving us venueless! We went home.. *boo*



















I guess the early night was a blessing in disguise.. on Sunday we managed to breeze through the Regent Street Festival - boring - and check out the V&A Museum, which is something I've wanted to do since we arrived in London. It's a really cool museum, and you really ought to believe me, because... I know this makes me sound massively shallow, but I'm not huge on the culture thing and i loved the V&A.

more party and V&A pics here.

on tour with me, the glutton

last weekend, Panu and I took a 4 day trip to his little hometown of Helsinki. I always thought Scandinavia (although, technically Finland is not part of Scandinavia, but you know, it's up there somewhere) was a far away land, somewhere i would never go. but we hopped on a plane and hey presto! 2.5 hours sees me as far north on this little planet of ours as I have ever been. Insane, isn't it?

now, i believe there are 3 ways to tour a new city - through culture, shopping or food. Panu is a culture kinda guy and me, we all know what a glutton I am, so it goes without saying how I would choose to tour any city! after having travelled together a number of times now (and lived through several disagreements), i think we've hit the jackpot and found a brilliant equilibrium, and this trip was the fruit of our compromising labour! (actually I think he's just realised that a well fed and well slept catty = a happy journey for all, so it wasn't too hard...)

So we hit Helsinki (blessed with gorgeous weather) and managed to take in the sights - Suomenlinna Fortress Islands, cathedrals, churches, and Helsinki Museum, we shopped a little (those Finns love their shopping!) and we ate. Boy did we eat. My favourites?


Panu's meal which on the menu actually says 'Dr Phil's Very Unhealthy Meal'. Fried everything, with mustard & ketchup. Yum!


This was a 'Meat pie with THE LOT'. I know, it looks like a burger. The 'meat pie' part of it is the bread, which has mince cooked into it. Talk about revolutionary! the LOT included pickles, salad, sausage, bacon, egg and lots of mustard and ketchup!


Glorious berries! berries of all kinds and shapes and colours and tastes! berry heaven!


Salmon and a baked 'tater - the Finns had fish, mainly salmon, coming out their wazoo but they sure now how to cook a mean seared salmon, so it's all good. they can be the king of the pink fish!


Lovely delicious fresh shrimp and crayfish ~ available in abundance and oh so tasty!

So as you can see, I thoroughly enjoyed my trip! We even dabbled with reindeer and elk (moose)... which were both equally tasty but i didnt want to upset the kids with photos of skewered Rudolph...

Oh, you wanted to see photos of the sights? so very sorry, here they are!